Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Unwelcome company

with one comment

This week’s column is by Fast Eddie and Lazy Jake Kilkenny. 

By and large our human is a decent sort. He keeps us in food and water with the occasional treat thrown in. That is not to say he does not have a few faults. Every now and again he goes out and does not come back for hours. He tosses and turns at night making a good night’s rest nearly impossible. He also makes growling/purring noises all night long. As snuggle-buddies go there is room for improvement. Oh, and he doesn’t like to share his beer.

We can put up with that. However there is one bad habit that is simply appalling. He lets dogs into our house! The humans that come in are pretty nice. They give us scratches and say silly baby-talk stuff to us. But dogs, yuck! Have you ever smelled a dog?

Last week he had company over for three days. Evidently the woman was one of his kits from way back when. She was nice, but she brought three of the miserable, stinky dogs. They are a Yorky named Zuul, a mini-poodle named Zorro and an Australian Shepard named Bella. We’re not really sure about the names of the first two. They came through the door like the cops do when our human throws a party. Things went downhill fast. We bolted for the bedroom and dug in.

For three whole days life was miserable. We had to hide in the dust under the bed all day. We both nearly sneezed our ears off. Since we had to lay low we couldn’t watch our shows on the Animal Planet Network. There were no afternoon naps on the window sill. And forget about getting some water or kibbles. Using the litter box was out of the question. Both of us started crossing our legs around noon, our eyes at three.  We were not happy campers.

There was one good thing about us being under the bed. On the first day the little one, who is small enough to fit, tried to get at us. It is going to be a long time before he will be able to use his sniffer. It was hiss, swat, yelp and he was gone not to be seen again.

From then on it was night patrol. If we were very careful we could sneak out and get chow and look around. But if we so much as heard the slightest dog grumble from the guest room we were back under the bed like a shot. You have never seen two madder kitties. They finally left.

A while back we taught our human how to speak ‘Cat’. He is not fluent, but he does get the jist of it. When they were gone we cautiously came out and sat at his feet. We chewed him out proper, using terms never used in polite feline company.

We can tell you it is going to take a lot of chicken livers for him to get back on our good side. © 2015, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

August 13, 2015 at 4:42 p08

Posted in Humor

One Response

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  1. The funny truth at Best ! Jim, carry on !

    Eldon Kilberger

    August 13, 2015 at 4:42 p08

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