Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Dems da ones alright

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Certain states are considered weather vanes when it comes to politics. Sort of the pulse of the country. Harmony County has a similar distinction with, as usual, a unique twist. In most places if they “Boo” you it means you are doing something wrong. In Harmony County if the ‘Boo birds’ come out you must be doing something right. Conversely if they cheer for you, you are in big trouble in the rest of the country.

The Democratic train pulled into the station around noon. The entire county, including those who were guests of the county wearing orange jumpsuits and some heavy jewelry, was there. Not so much for their popularity, nor the deep concern for American politics, but mostly it was due to the “Free Beer” signs that were posted all over the place.

The first to speak was Vice-President Joe Biden. He looked a tad confused and instead of facing the audience he was looking back at the train. His aids quickly hoped up and turned him around. Joe seemed a little shocked to see so many people. He is not used to crowds.

He started, “When George Washington discovered America one of his first acts was to free the slaves.” The folks in Harmony County cannot considered historians, unless you consider an extensive recollection of every mule that ever placed in the Harmony County Sweepstakes back to 1876. But when Biden made that remark even they collectively said, “Huh???” That is when he lost them.

Biden was followed by Bernie “Freebie” Sanders. Bernie took a long look at the crowd, took a long pull on his gin and Geritol and lite right in. “If you vote for me I’m going to give you food, housing, phones, health care (read drugs), TVs, abortions, cash, and everything else you can think of, for FREE!” Needless, the crowd went wild and then common sense slowly raised its ugly head.

As the old saying goes, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn’t.” The crowd went quiet and finally someone shouted out, “Just who is going to pay for all that stuff?” Without missing a beat Bernie smiled and shouted back, “Donald Trump! Because the government sure doesn’t have the money.” Silence reigned.

Saving the best for last Hilldog took the podium. She smiled weakly and tried, unsuccessfully, to keep the look of disgust off her face. She explained about how much she loved the country, the people, the newcomers (some of whom can here legally) and most of the Constitution except for the parts about gun ownership, freedom of expression, and voting requirements.  The Countydiots started to grumble.

Remember up to now the folks have been sucking up the free beer like there was no tomorrow. So there was a universal buzz going on and a need to hit the head. Hilldog, thinking her mike was off said, “What a bunch of rednecks.” Immediately there was a hail of empty beer cans.

She was last seen running down the tracks screaming “I want to send an email!” © 2015, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

September 3, 2015 at 4:42 p09

Posted in Humor

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