Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Its Fallen and it can’t get up

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Finally getting a change in the weather here in Harmony County. Things are cooling off just a bit and folks are coming out of their air-conditioned hide-a-ways, blinking at the sunshine and breathing some long forgotten fresh air.

Sitting on the front porch is once again popular and saying “Hey” to the neighbors is back in vogue. This custom has the expected Harmony County twist though. Seeing how many of the folks walking by usually do not want to be identified in the likely event you may have seen them before in photos on the post office wall. Hence the pulled up collars and the hats over the face.

Some of the more hearty souls have been out all season. Grannie Fannie Feinstermacher is one of those. She is an avid gardener and tends to her plot religiously. Around back, out of sight of prying eyes, she has a crop of ‘Carolina Skull Crusher’ coming along nicely. This stuff is sure to get another blue ribbon at the Harmony County Fair. This is one portion of the fair where people are lining up to become judges.

Football season has cranked up. The sport is very popular around here. Unfortunately the Harmony County Hogs are not doing too well. According to head coach, Fernando Doob, “It is getting very difficult to buy officials, recently. It used to be a pregame quart of the good stuff and a hundred dollar bill was sufficient. Of course the ‘zebras’ would be staggering around a bit and there vision wasn’t 20/20, but it made for some interesting games.”

The conference has cracked down hard on steroid use amongst the players. I takes away from the game since you no longer see a 125-pound halfback knocking a 300-pound defender back around ten yards or so. Oh well, “Better living through chemistry” is a thing of the past.

Fall in the County is not like it is in other areas of the country. Instead of the leaves turn colors and gently floating to the ground things here happen in a hurry. One minute you are sitting there watching “Green Acres” reruns. The next you hear a ‘thud’ and all the leaves hit the ground at once. It is time to break out the rake and get with it. Piles less than six-foot tall are considered amateur work.

The leaves are not the only thing that hits the ground in a hurry. The Kilkenny Brother are attuned to the season as well. It is that time of year for them to lose their summer coats and heavy it up for winter. Not that they need to since they are indoor critters, it’s just a cat thing. At any rate everything gets covered with ginger colored hair. It is so bad that the rake comes into play again. Like the say you have enough hair to knit a new cat. Black is not the color of choice if you want to make a fashion statement.

Hey, when does winter get here? © 2015, Jim McGowan

 

 

 

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Written by harmonycounty

September 17, 2015 at 4:42 p09

Posted in Humor

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