Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Zombies at the Sports desk

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As you may know I have been blathering on about football. I also have taken a few cheap shots (Is there such a thing as ‘expensive’ shots?) about the deluge of zombie shows on TV. We all know that the walking dead are just fictional characters, but not so fast, they are real and I have seen them.

Here at the ‘Harmony County Weekly Blister’ it is the season where the sports hacks have to actually work. They have to cover high school football on Fridays, college football on Saturdays, and pro football on Sundays. Depending upon how many people are sports Inkster’s sometimes they have to dragoon people from other desks. I once saw the woman who handles the social pages standing on the sidelines with her camera get smacked by a mob of players on an end run. She got up, dusted herself off in a lady-like manner and kicked one of the players who knocked her down. Fortunately for him he was wearing a cup.

The sports desk weenies are a strange bunch even by media standards. All of them, with no exceptions, are wanna-be jocks who could not make the team. They are the self-described experts in which every game they are covering. They know more than the players, coaches, athletic director, etc. If you do not believe me just ask them.

Normally none of these folks of being overworked. Usually it goes this way; arrive at the game and park in the reserved section with your Press sign displayed so you don’t get towed, flash your Press pass at the gate so you don’t have to pay the ticket, get a free program playing the Press pass ploy, stroll up to the press box, get comfy, snap a few pix, make a few notes, easy-peasy. Maybe interview the winning coach after the game. That is no biggy since they all say the same thing.

Then it is off to your office away from the office (Draft beers $1 during Happy Hour.)  Write the story, email it in and that is about it. Come football season there is a radical change. Too many games in too short a time. Hence the Zombie Monday.

The boys stagger in, always late, with blood shot eyes, a three day beard, smelling worse than usual. They are holding a cup of coffee, unlit cigarettes dangling from their lips, collapse into their chair and stare into a blank computer screen for an hour or so. Some uncharitable types contribute this condition to an excessive use of adult beverages or personality altering substances, but in reality it is that they had to work for three straight days. Poor babies.

How do I know about this stuff? Well, when I worked the sport’s desk I went through the drill. I did not become a journalist to actually work. If I wanted to do that I would have gotten a real job. So enjoy the games, we poor, suffering hacks certainly ain’t. © 2015, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

October 1, 2015 at 4:42 p10

Posted in Humor

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