Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

My new/old pickem-up truck

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The classic example of Southern mobility is, without doubt, the pickem-up truck. (I suppose running a close second is the mule, but we won’t go there.) So it is not much of a challenge for you to guess what I drive. No it runs on gas, not hay.

Around here they brand of truck is a source of family pride. There are Ford families, Chevy families or Dodge families. Woe be to a Chevy family member who buys a Ford. Buddy-boy you are not going to be invited to any family gatherings. When your family members are asked what kind of truck you bought they hang their heads in shame and mumble the reply. You are definitely out of the will.

I am Dodge person. I just bought my fourth, a 1990 Dodge Dakota with a convertible roof. It is a bit of a collector’s item. Only 3,800 were built between 1989 and 1991. When I say ’collector’s’ I’m not talking about a vehicle in the Jay Leno League, but something most of us could buy.

This truck is white with a black convertible top. I nicknamed it ‘White Lightning’. My last one was dark blue and I called it the ‘Blue Goose’ after a house of fallen angels in Panama City, Panama. The real name of the place was ‘The Gruta Azul’ of ‘Blue Grotto’. The GIs could not pronounce it so they called it ‘The Blue Goose’. Of course I learned of this second hand.

As in the aforementioned hee-haw I expect to use it every day. I do not need another lawn ornament. It took a little getting used to drive. It is an automatic. I was used to driving a standard transmission on the floor. I kept on grabbing for a non-existent gear shifter and pushing an invisible clutch.

My first truck was three on the column. You more experienced drivers will remember this. Back in the day only rich people could afford an automatic transmission. Air conditioning was the ultimate luxury. White Lightning does not have automatic windows. Rolling down the windows is back in style. The grandkids were amazed.

However, this purchase is what led me to a whirlwind tour of the mechanics here in Harmony County. You would be surprised at how many wrench-turners do not stock parts for twenty-five-year-old trucks of limited production. I had one guy point at the carburetor and ask, “What’s that? Clearly this was not the man for the job.

Well, I finally got it back into running condition. It still is a pain to start in the morning. It usually takes two or three times to kick over. But then again so do I.

So if you see me rolling around town give me a wave. I’ll take you for a spin. But, you will have to pay for the gas. It burns premium.

Oh by the way, a note to you hotsy-totsy SUV owners. You are not fooling anyone. A SUV is a pickem-up with a hard hat. © 2015, Jim McGowan



Written by harmonycounty

October 8, 2015 at 4:42 p10

Posted in Humor

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