Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

What do you do with pachyderm poop?

with 2 comments

The folks in Harmony County can breathe a bit easier now that the Republican contenders have finally left. Things were getting seriously deep. The robo calls were just one of the things that were terminally annoying. It would be impossible to count how many landline phones were pulled out of walls nor how many cell phones that were snapped in half or stomped into splinters.

The mailman, or is it mail person, or is it person-person? (This PC stuff is making me crazy.) Anyway, the postal worker who delivers the mail, was working on a hernia just delivering the flyers. You know, the ones addressed to “Resident”. I figured they meant one of the Kilkenny Brothers. I am the one called, “Mortgage Payer”. But that’s another story.

Then, last but not least, were the pollsters who always seem to come knocking on the door around supper time. My solution to this is I come to the door wearing only a smile. That is followed by a flutter of brochure tossed in the air and the pitter patter of wing tips running down the front steps. Word gets around quickly so that pollsters usually avoid the cottage after one or two visits.

Down at the Harmony County Weekly Blister there is a different set of problems. It has long been a rule that a paper or for that matter any media source, never runs a political ad without being paid in advance and the check clears. Even if your mother was running for office it is still cash on the barrelhead, up front.

The other thing that newsy’s have to deal with is the flood of ‘Letters To The Editor”. The Countidiots are a pretty laid back bunch. If a volcano erupted in front of the County Offices no one is going to say much of anything, much less write a Letter To The Editor. However, at election time suddenly we got the postal delivery problem, plus the email box blows out of the back of the computer. The odd thing is that most of the letters sound suspiciously alike and seem to be posted/emailed at the same time. Hmmmmmm?

The Kilkenny Brothers are Democrats through and through. I guess it is because I feed them, I water them, I provide a warm place to sleep, I take them to the vet, I clean up their litter box, mostly. Once you get used to getting a free ride I suppose you think that it is your right to get all this stuff for nothing. Now I can’t even get them to catch a lousy stink bug.

Well, the Republican Elephant has finally waddled out of the county. It is good to see their big gray butts heading North. You have to feel sorry for their next victims. However, do I hear the ‘clip clop’ of hooves coming in our direction?

Oh well, at least they are going to give us free stuff. Plus, they are easier to clean up after.© 2016, Jim McGowan




Written by harmonycounty

February 25, 2016 at 4:42 p02

Posted in Humor

2 Responses

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  1. Bravo Jim ! St. Paddy’ would also approve

    Eldon Kilberger

    February 25, 2016 at 4:42 p02

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