Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Spring has sprung, yuk

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I think I’m pregnant. I just walked to the mailbox and back and boy, did I ever get pollinated! Here in Harmony County Spring is not the most appreciated season. As a matter of fact it is the most confusing season because you get fog, snow, sunshine and rain all in the same week, sometimes the same day and that is no joke.

We all are, to varying degrees, a bit loopy over the Daylight Savings time change. (I still have not figured out why that is still being done.) So when we used to drive to work and the sun is up now we get to drive in the dark. Coupled with the usual morning fog it is such a joy. And all the police on traffic duty are just loving that.

Here in Harmony County the only time we want to see a field covered with white it had better be a cotton field. This cold, white, flaky stuff that falls from the sky is something we just cannot handle. People who a normally pretty calm and collected go full out goofy when the white stuff hits the ground. People are taking photos like there is no tomorrow. Kids are building snow men, really snow minions since there very little accumulation anyway. Meanwhile up North, folks from Minnesota, etc. are laughing their heads, or some other anatomical part, off about how an inch accumulation can shut down Atlanta and drive the road maintenance folks nuts.

So the snow falls and sure as shooting the sun comes out and the unwanted stuff is gone in the twinkling of an eye. Which is a good thing since snow blowers and snow shovels are generally not to be found south of the Mason-Dixon Line. (Note to self: opening a store called, “Snow Blowers Savannah” is not a good plan.)

Now it is the rain’s turn. You have to admit that Mother Nature is nothing but versatile. Around here drizzle is a rarity. As they say in Ireland, “It is a fine, soft day.” That means there is at least a half-inch of accumulation with thunder and lightning that rattles the windows and sends your cats and dogs scurrying to get under the bed. I would join them, but I just don’t fit. All in one day.

However, the worst of it all is ‘The Big Sneezey’. The pollen is amazing. If the kids are at the school bus stop and the bus is running five-minutes late they are as yellow as the bus. Take your black lab out for a walk and you bring back a yellow lab. Stores can’t keep tissue on the shelves and a visitor would think that Harmony County holier than the Vatican because everyone is constantly saying, “Bless you”. The people are not the only ones to suffer. Can you say ‘squirrell snot’ three time fast?

So here in Harmony County, which is a ‘Handkerchief Free Zone, there is not a dry sleeve in the County.© 2016, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

March 24, 2016 at 4:42 p03

Posted in Humor

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