Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

The Harmony County Cup

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(This week’s column is written by, Copious Ferdinand Jones, aka Coppy, a four-legged participant in last week’s Harmony Cup.)

“Whew, am I ever glad that is over! Things get pretty crazy around here on Harmony Cup weekend. This is horse country and normally my stable mates and I have it pretty easy. During the year we hang out in the stable and pastures. A two legger brings us oats, water and an occasional carrot or apple.

When the warm season comes around we get visited by groups of human foals. They are a lot of fun. Occasionally we team up with the dogs and go fox hunting. That can be a bit tricky. The foxes around here have figured out that the best place to hide is in the woods. They dash into places where we can’t go. Have you ever run into an oak tree going full tilt or brushed off your rider going under a low branch? Lots of bad language on both our parts. The fox just sits back and laughs.

The height of crazy is the ‘Harmony Cup’. Our lovely pastures are filled with two leggers. They stomp our food flat. And you should see the way they dress. We have some colorful blankets, but these people are walking rainbows. The mares wear things on their heads the size of one of our water buckets. People who are normally conservative dressers suddenly look like Broome Street pimps. And fellows, what is with the bow ties?

They show up early in the morning and set up this big cloth stables. Then they drag out these boxes filled with some kind of crazy water. They drink this stuff like they haven’t had a drop in weeks. That is fine, but they seem to get goofier and goofier as the day goes along. I even saw a bunch of them dancing on their wagons.

Most folks find this hard to believe, but there are horse races, both flat and steeplechase, going on. The premiere steeplechase race was won by a friend of mine. Oddly enough he won by a tail. Do you think drugs were involved?

However, just because the racing was over does not mean the party stops. You would figure they would want to go back to their stables after a long day. We ponies sure do. You run full out over two miles with 115 pounds on your back you would be beat too. But the humans keep going into the boxes in a huge effort to empty them.

Finally the combined effects of the drinks and gravity hits them. Like a horse who falls at a jump they hit the ground with a thud. Around sunset the wranglers in the blue suits come in and herds them out. I can’t say I’m sorry to see them go.

The next morning things settle down to normal. Some of us are a bit sore. But we will have a year to recover. Does anyone else smell liniment? © 2016, Jim McGowan

 

 

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Written by harmonycounty

April 7, 2016 at 4:42 p04

Posted in Humor

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