Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Whining, the new national pastime

with 4 comments

What is going on with all this nonsense about who’s bathroom to use?  All of a sudden having to use the head becomes a political statement and a life decision. Who comes up with this stuff? We never had a problem like this in Harmony County. Particularly since ‘in-door’ plumbing is something of a novelty around here. Yup, that wood shack in the backyard with the quarter-moon carved in the door is definitely, “One size fits everybody, but wait your turn”.

The Vegans are also a group that seem to be ‘popping off’ a great deal recently. Myself, I am a semi-vegetarian. I only eat things that eat vegetables. Heaven forbid that you should enjoy a bacon cheeseburger. According to these folks a trip through the drive-through window is the executioners walk.

Well, my sprout loving friends, I have some biological news for you. Your eyes are in the front. That makes you an omnivore. That means you eat everything. Funny thing, there are no vegans in the Army. After a 20-mile forced march with full equipment when you hit the mess hall you eat everything that, “ain’t red-hot, nailed down or pumping water”.

A couple of weeks ago, in an Atlanta university which will go nameless, but the first initial starts with Emory, some evildoer wrote Donald Trump’s name in chalk on the sidewalks and steps on the campus. The name struck deep fear into the hearts of some of the more fragile students. According to one student, “I’m supposed to feel comfortable and safe… I don’t deserve to feel afraid at my school.”  Guess what, the administration caved. No more political statements supporting Trump are allowed on campus. Geez Louise, get a grip.

Now in some schools they have a, “Safe Zone” where students can cower in the event someone says something with which, heaven forbid, they might disagree. Well kiddies, do not pick an Irish saloon as your “Safe Zone”.  I have heard such mild statements as, “It’s a fine, soft day” (Translation = It’s raining) turn into a brawl.

Another group that will get all over you like hair on a gorilla are the ‘Recyclers’. When I was coming up we lived by the old saying, “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.” So, to those arrogant tree-huggers you have not invented the concept. But here’s the deal. In many cases it costs more to recycle than it does to make something new.

I have interviewed manufacturers and every last one of them have said that if they had to use recycled materials they would have to build special facilities to process the stuff. Essentially, they would have to jack up the door knob and slide a new factory underneath it.

Plus, for me, it would be an embarrassment when the recycle guys come by and find nothing but beer cans and whisky bottles in the trash.

Here is a tip for those baffled by bathrooms. You can always buy some “Depends”© 2016, Jim McGowan




Written by harmonycounty

April 21, 2016 at 4:42 p04

Posted in Humor

4 Responses

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  1. Excellent as always Jim !

    Eldon Kilberger

    April 21, 2016 at 4:42 p04

  2. LoL good one Mr Jim

    Kerri Goldstein

    April 21, 2016 at 4:42 p04

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