Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Balloons, the best part of conventions

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I have seen a lot of presidential elections in my time. The one for Millard Fillmore was particularly messy. However, the upcoming one is going to make that one positively sterile.

As it stands it looks like Hilldog and the Trumpster are going to be the choice of their respective party’s choices. But not so fast Huckleberry, there is still a group of party appointees called, “Super Delegates”. No, they are not a group of folks who wear skin tight outfits. However, their ‘superpower’ is that they can override the votes of the regular delegates who wear Brooks Brothers and Armani. In other words that vote you cast in the state primary can be flushed down the drain by an appointee.

The National Conventions will be held at the end of July. The Dems will be in Philly and the Republicans in Cleveland. Citizens of both cities will be taking a beating in real estate values. With Hilldog and Hairball both having enough supporters for a first vote ‘one and done’ neither of these conventions will be as exciting as last week’s weather report.  Things are pretty boring when the highlight of the affair will be the red, white, and blue balloon drop at the end.

I miss the old conventions when things got out of hand. Brawls in the aisle, everyone getting a blast of pepper spray, TV commentary sounding more like a wrestling match, ah those were the good old days. However, I read that the Dems are building a wall around the Convention Center. Hey, isn’t that Trump’s schtick? Who knows, maybe they are planning on shooting a gorilla.

On the endorsement side of the contest President Obama has endorsed Hilldog. However, Ted Nugent has come out for Hairball so that evens things up. Personally speaking, I would give it more credence if Opus and Bill the Cat or Pee Wee Herman would make a supporting statement.  Maybe they have, but the candidates just haven’t released the emails. Hey, isn’t that Hillary’s schtick?

One thing I find amusing is all the celebrities pledging that if one candidate or the other wins they are moving to Canada. Is that supposed to be some kind of punishment? I am a great admirer of the Canucks, but why Canada? If I were to cut and run I would pick someplace like the Bahamas or Monaco. I’d rather be on a beach sipping on a Mimosa then shivering my butt off drinking rye whiskey.

But seriously, I hope everyone flat ignores all the political postings on the Internet. All this “His/her feet stink and he/she don’t love Jesus” is pure nonsense. Go to the candidate’s website and carefully study their positions. Then go ahead and make your decision. Or you can just flip a coin. Either way will produce the same results.

See you in November, “Vote early, vote often.”© 2016, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

June 16, 2016 at 4:42 p06

Posted in Humor

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