Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

OK doc, yeah right

with 3 comments

Everytime I go to the doctors I get the same lecture. Essentially it is, “You smoke too much, you drink too much, eat too much red meat.” These people have got to get some new material.

Well, that all may be true, but it is only true now. How many of us were told that certain food or drink items were strictly verboten and now are OK or even good for us? Take for instance coffee. Up to a few weeks ago caffeine was a silent killer. Now the medics are saying that is actually good for us.

Putting aside the killer caffeine issue can you imagine running a newspaper office, or any office for that matter without a pot of Joe in the breakroom? The military without a cup of mud would go nuts and those people have guns and know how to use them!

Smoking is truly bad for you. I have to agree with that. Now they are saying that the electronic butts designed to help you quit are even worse. I can tell you that quitting is extremely difficult. The last time I tried, after three days they caught me trying to burn a church down.

I tried quitting by switching to cigars. I was OK, but the Kilkenny Brothers had coughing fits and when I went to bed they watered them down in a rather unsanitary manner. The first puff I took was a nearly life ending experience. They just looked at me and did cat guffaws. Back to the butts.

Red meat is also a no-no. Really, OK tree hugger do a hard day’s work and what would you rather sit down to, a snappy kale salad with vinegar and oil or an Angus ribeye, medium rare smothered with mushrooms and a baked spud with butter and sour cream on the side. Sorry Bossie, but you are on your way to that great feedlot in the sky. And please don’t get me started on bacon a gift from the god of hogs. So, TH-ers, pretty please with sugar on it, name one health food that tastes good.

Remember, I work hard at living up to the classic Irish stereotype. Consequently me and ‘the drink’ go back a long way. However, if you don’t like booze or think it is wrong, don’t drink. But watching an athletic event without a beer or a glass of merlot to accompany the aforementioned steak certainly is enhancing. Eight tequila shots washed down with a six pack is de rigueur after attending a Harmony County Commission meeting.

So let me sum it all up with an old joke. “A fellow goes to his doctor for an annual exam. After the exam the doctor tells him, “You have got to quit smoking, knock off the booze, eat more veggies and exercise.” The patient asks, “Will that help me live longer?” The doc replies, “No, but it will certainly seem that way.”© 2016, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

June 23, 2016 at 4:42 p06

Posted in Humor

3 Responses

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  1. Bingo’, ….. good one Jim !

    Eldon Kilberger

    June 23, 2016 at 4:42 p06

  2. George Burns smoked and drank right up to 100. I maintain that it’s not what you do to your body, it’s what you THINK about what you do to your body. If you enjoy it and you feel fine, everybody else can shut the fuck up.


    June 23, 2016 at 4:42 p06

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