Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

The things two-leggers do

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(This week’s column duties have been taken over by those award-winning kitty inksters, The Kilkenny Brothers.)

“I guess the heat finally got to our Boss,” said Fast Eddie. “He is walking around in little boy pants, I’ve seen better legs on tables, and we’re the ones in fur coats.”

“With all this heat one of the odd things about our human is that he is heliotropic. He gets up at sunrise and crawls into our bed when the sun goes down. He just does not enjoy the fun stuff he can do around midnight. It was just the other night and we were playing ‘tag’. Ours is a fun game leaping on and off tables, chairs and counters. Lazy Jake jumped on the bar cart the other night. Bad move, because the whole thing came crashing down.

“Bottles, mugs and a big lamp hit the floor making a fearsome racket. That got old ‘lazy bones’ out of our rack in a hurry. The noise had us heading for the tall and uncut in a hurry. The words that he was yelling cannot be printed here, but he was very upset. Fortunately for us he isn’t very accurate with his kicks, but he was certainly trying for a 50-yard feline goal.

“Things finally settled down and he started cleaning up the mess. He was grumbling all the time. I guess he didn’t like soogeeing the deck at 2 a.m. We supervised from a safe distance. I guess we should cut out the ‘tag’ stuff for a while.

“A nice thing he did for us was finish off the back deck. He surrounded it with screening and put on a roof. He even put two of those whirly things on the ceiling. He put in a comfy couch and a TV. We are out there most days watching “Animal Planet” However, when it rains the roof makes a racket. Oddly our human likes that best. He hogs the couch and drops off into a deep sleep. Oh well, there’s no explaining things that the two-leggers do.

Fast Eddie continued, ” The other day my brother, Lazy Jake, and I were taking our afternoon snooze. We cats need around 18 hours of sleep a day or we’ll get cranky. Anyway, we were making our afternoon ‘Zs’ and we both woke up suddenly. The evil ‘red spot’ returned.

“Well we weren’t going to take this lying down. It was time to go into the attack,” said Eddie. Try as we might we can never catch it. You remember Lazy Jake?”

“Yeah bro, the ‘red spot’ is bad news”  said LJ. “But one day we will catch it and when we do we will never have napus interruptis again.”

“Sleep well, my friends,” said  Fast Eddie, “And don’t let the red spot bite.” Lazy Jake added.© 2016, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

June 30, 2016 at 4:42 p06

Posted in Humor

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